I work with homeless people, and in particular, quite a few young women. Most of them were raised without fathers, by mothers embittered by the world, unable to give anything good to their daughters. Some of my girls have been shouted at, called names, hit, kicked, neglected, raped and molested by the very people they depended on to protect and nurture them--moms, aunts, uncles, family friends, dads.
So they turn to the streets. They take up with men who treat them the same. And then they somehow cross my path.
Which means that at least once a week, I get to look one of these women in the eyes, and say this: "You are valuable. You are worthy of love, and care, and investment. You are more than your past. You're more than what those people have told you that you are. You are wildly valuable and precious, and I believe without a single doubt that you can be more, and do more, than this. So let's do it."
No lie, some times I want to walk away from them. They hold on to bad patterns, and old, useless mindsets-- things that served them well in the past, I'm sure, but are now hindrances, shackles. I want to tell them to friggin' knock it off. Stop going back to that abusive boyfriend. Show up for your appointments. no more excuses. You're getting this amazing chance at a new beginning, I want to tell them. You are literally being lifted from the streets.
But then I don't make an important phone call. I neglect a promise. I ignore an opportunity.
As I move on from cancer, I'm realizing that the motivational potency of "if only I live, then I'll do this..." is kind of a myth. People are people, and I'm a person. We do what we know. And yet, I don't want to waste what I now know. No more excuses...
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